“I know what I don’t want…”
Create more of what you do want by hanging out with future you.
It’s so tricky when you don’t like where you’re living anymore.
Maybe you moved here for a guy but it didn’t work out and all your mates here were his mates. Maybe you moved here to look after your parents, it was only meant to be temporary. Maybe you thought you’d settle here forever but now it feels more like a stepping stone.
Regardless of why you moved here in the first place, you know now it’s definitely not where you want to be. But every time you think about moving, the task seems too immense. You worry it won’t work out. You make excuses that now is not the time or you haven’t found the right place yet (but you haven’t really been looking either).
You haven’t moved but the landscape has definitely changed.
The truth is, our brains hate change. The mere thought of packing all your stuff invites a scream of protest and doubt. In an instant, you can see the packing boxes crowding the living room, you can hear yourself arguing with your mother as you stub your toe again on a stray book. In your mind, it is bound to go badly. So we stay put despite being miserable.
The trick is to make the process of moving worth the risk. Re-frame the risk in a positive light. Rather than, “What if it goes terribly and I pick the wrong place?” We ask, “What if it goes perfectly and I move to a wonderful, safe and accepting community?”
As we start to linger in the place we long to live; as we imagine the experiences and people we could have the opportunity to enjoy, we start to prime our mind toward a successful outcome. We start to swing the justice scale in the direction of hope.
Afterall, there is a positive side to risk. With the right planning and guidance it could work out better than we imagined it would. Plenty of things have before.
When you vision board, you hang out with future-you, creating that reality in your mind as brightly and boldly as you can and associating it with existing positive emotions. Your mind doesn’t know the difference between imagination and reality, so this successful outcome now seems significantly more plausible. Your mind is becoming more familiar with the idea of moving, less surprised, less fearful, even a little excited.
Your subconscious mind, enlivened by this possibility, starts looking for opportunities to make it happen. Suddenly, you bump into a friend who tells you about this place they’ve just visited that sounds like what you’ve been imagining. Normally, this would be a throw-away conversation, but this time, you decide to look into it. This random coincidence is the stray thread you pull on that unravels the whole sweater.
You’ve taken imperfect action, you’ve told your mind what to look for and you’re waiting expectantly for the next clue… or you stay put despite feeling miserable.
What’s scarier, the risk of imperfect action or the risk of inaction?
Want to minimise your moving drama? Consider checking out Margaret Vandergriff, the Moving Coach.
Be brave and curious,